i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
please come you make the beer taste better
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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