so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
