He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
