i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize