ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
