Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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