how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
