is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
