I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
