I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
