Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
