im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
