dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
