is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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