it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize