we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
