I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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