No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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