Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
