Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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