I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
