I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
