apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
