when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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