I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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