i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
