So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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