i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
