People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
