even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
