Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
