Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
