I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Randomize
