her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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