I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
