i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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