Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
