I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
