this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
