May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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