his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
