a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
