I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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