I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
