My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
