I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
