I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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