And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
