I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
