mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
