Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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