Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
