I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
