I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
