I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
