Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
