Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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