so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
