TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize