I smell stomach acid.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can you bring me the toilet please
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
