First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
