it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
