I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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