i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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