i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
