SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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