Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
