I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
