I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
