I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
